Eighteen Ways To Say Happy Birthday
by kash30032000
Summary: This story is dedicated to my sister, DMICEPRINCE, for her eighteenth birthday. It contains hints of Edwin and one-sided Edvy.


**Eighteen Ways To Say Happy Birthday**

**kash30032000**

**This story is dedicated to my sister, DMICEPRINCE, for her eighteenth birthday. Happy Birthday, Sis!**

**1. Sing Happy Birthday**

Ed had gotten a message from one of the soldiers that Alphonse wanted him to come to the alley behind their dorm.

When he arrived, Alphonse was wearing a black bow tie and carrying a conductor's baton.

"What is this about?" asked Ed tiredly.

"I wanted to give you a birthday present," answered Al. "I've been working on this for weeks. Come on, everyone," he called down the alley.

To Ed's surprise, what looked like the entire city of cats walked into the alley in groups of six. They then went to stand next to the wall in front of Ed.

Al raised his baton, tapped it three times, and the cats broke into a meowing chorus of 'Happy Birthday'.

**2. Birthday Gift**

Al walked into the kitchen where his brother was sitting at the table looking at a square package that was wrapped in red wrapping paper.

"What's that?" asked Al.

"I'm not sure," answered Ed. "It's addressed to someone named Little Sacrifice."

"Hmm," said Al thoughtfully. He took the gift from Ed to examine it. "It's from Father. I think he sent you a gift. Isn't that...possibly dangerous."

"I know," agreed Ed. His face then turned from confused to angry. "He doesn't know the danger he's in from calling me little."

**3. Nothing Says Happy Birthday Like Pain**

"Hey, Winry, Granny," greeted Ed as he entered the Rockbells' home. "Al said he had something to do so he suggested that I come over here to give you some company."

"That's right," said Winry, looking up from her work bench. "Today's your birthday."

"You're right, Winry," said Pinako. "We've been so busy we've forgotten."

"It's okay," replied Ed. "Just wish me a Happy Birthday."

"No that won't do," replied Winry with a wave of her hand, dismissing the idea. She thought for a moment. "I know," she said smiling. "I'll give you a free maintenance."

Ed paled.

**4. Invite Your Crush to Dinner Discreetly**

Ed was waiting to cross the street when Envy ran up to him.

"Ifyourgoingouttodinnerwithme tonightsaywhat," he said in one breath.

"What?" asked Ed.

Envy smiled.

"See you there," he said before walking off.

**5. Nothing Says "You're Becoming A Man" Like Picking Up Women**

Havoc had made a mistake teaching Ed how to pick up chicks as a birthday present. The minute Ed mentioned birthday and orphan in the same sentence the hunnies came flocking.

**6. Ruin the Surprise**

Ed was sitting in the library doing research when Ling walked over to him. He was dressed in a suit and carrying a large gift.

"Hey, Ed," he whispered. "I need your dorm's address so I can go to your surprise party."

"There's a party for me?" asked Ed.

"You didn't know?"

**7. Get the Wrong Address**

Ling was shocked at how many elderly people Ed had known. He had no idea that people in the military were all walking with canes, walkers, or rolling around in wheelchairs.

"Hey, I bet that's that Colonel Bastard," said Ling. "Hey! Yo, Asshole!" he called walking over to a man in his late nineties.

Ed slapped a hand to his face. This was not his dorm and this was not his party. This was a senior citizen's home. The banner above clearly stated this was a retirement party.

**8. Oxygen**

"I can't believe you came to my party, Colonel," Ed said to Mustang. "I didn't know you cared about me like that."

"Of course I do," replied Mustang. "I even cared enough to supply my personal oxygen into each and every one of your balloons." There was a pause. "I want my air back after the party," he said seriously.

**9. Music**

It was a surprise when the homunculus Envy showed up at Ed's party. He was so into the mood that he did the Harlem Shake to dodge the bullets Hawkeye shot at him.

**10. Pinata**

Greed donated a pinata to the party made of the same carbon that makes up his ultimate shield. No one was able to put a dent in it with a bat, so Hawkeye took out her gun...

**11. Low Budget**

"Where's the birthday boy?" asked Armstrong.

"He's right here," said Al, pointing down at Ed.

"You must have lit all the candles on your cake because it's getting HOT."

Everyone screamed when Armstrong suddenly stripped off his clothes revealing the pair of speedos he was wearing.

"THESE SPEEDOS HAS BEEN PASS DOWN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!"

**12. Birthday Licks**

Black Hayate gave Ed's cheek sixteen licks.

**13. A Pinch to Grow an Inch**

Ed growled in irritation at the sharp pain he was constantly feeling on his flesh arm. Looking to his right, he saw Mustang pinching him while wearing a look of deep concentration on his face.

After the seventeenth pinch, he looked up at the teen with sympathy.

"It's not working," he said.

**14. Light the Candles**

Havoc had forgotten his lighter in the car, so Mustang volunteered to light Ed's sixteen candles. This was all accomplish with the snap of his fingers.

**15. Make a Birthday Wish**

It was pretty obvious what Ed wanted: a Philosopher's Stone.

"You can stop wishing that now because they don't make those anymore," said Envy.

**16. Birthday Kiss**

Ed had a second wish, which was actually a secret. He looked to his left to find Winry standing next to him. He then returned his attention to the cake and blew out the candles casting the room into darkness.

He moved forward to give Winry a kiss on the lips. When the lights came back on, he found himself kissing a shocked Pinako, who was standing in a chair.

**17. Don't Forget to Invite Gluttony**

Gluttony was furious that he wasn't invited to the party where food was being served. In fact, he was so furious that he ramshackled the dorm and ate the birthday cake before the knife could make it into Ed's hands.

**18.**

Alphonse gives his brother a hug. Ed reaches up to return the gesture.

"Happy Birthday, Brother. I love you."

**The End**


End file.
